The Problem Is
by ChastityJean
Summary: All she ever wanted to do was love him. How will she react when he finally lets her? M for future lemons.
1. Prologue

A/N: Here's the prologue of a little something I've been working on.

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><p>I wake up alone and frown. I'm so sick of screwing everything up.<p>

I lay on my back and stare at the ceiling for awhile, trying to make sense of my life. After thinking much more than should be allowed before noon on a weekend, I drag myself out of bed in search of something to eat. A few minutes later I plop on the couch, warm poptarts in hand, and turn on the TV. I flip through the channels lazily, finally settling on a talk show that's more drama than substance. You know, one the ones that disappoints you when it's not a "Paternity Test" episode. Excellent. I'll count on it to distract me from my less than stellar love life.

I'm really getting to it whether Latrice's baby daddy is Marshall or Carlos, when Alice walks out of her bedroom, wearing only a t-shirt and panties, and shuts the door behind her. Jasper spent the night, obviously.

"Would it kill you to throw Jasper's boxers on?" I question.

She just smirks at me. "Then what would he wear to go to the bathroom?"

Ugh. I don't want to think about that. Alice may go for guys that look practically emaciated, but that's not my thing. I prefer guys who look like they've eaten a sandwich in the last month or so. I'd rather not see bones poking out at odd angles, thankyouverymuch.

She shuffles past my bedroom door and into the bathroom, giving me a sideways look the whole time. When she emerges, she grabs an apple from the kitchen and plops down next to me, grabbing the remote from my hand.

As she surfs the same lame shows I just did ten minutes ago, she tries to casually ask, "Jake didn't stay over last night?"

She doesn't succeed with casual. She's never been good with subtlety.

I just frown and shake my head in answer, not elaborating.

"Why not?" she presses.

I shrug.

She raises her eyebrows. She's not buying it.

"He was…uh…kinda mad," I say, stalling.

"What happened?" she asks, turning to face me, sitting indian style and muting the TV to give me her full attention.

I roll my eyes but I know I have to tell her.

"We ran into Edward last night."

"Edward who?" she asks uncertainly.

"What do you mean 'Edward who?' The only Edward we know."

Understanding dawns on her face, followed quickly by suspicion. "Why would that make Jake mad?"

I sigh. "Because I did the same thing I always do when I see Edward. I babbled uncontrollably, laughed at his jokes that weren't funny, and essentially ignored everyone else," I explain. "Including Jake. I also may have introduced 'my friend Jacob' instead of 'my boyfriend.'"

"Huh?" she asks in confusion.

"I basically acted like I did in high school," I summarize.

Alice groans. "Why would you do that?"

"I think it's fairly obvious. I'm terminally awkward in Edward's presence."

"When are you going to get over that? You had a crush on him in high school. Big deal. It was 10 years ago. I'm sure he's forgotten."

I bark out a laugh that does not convey any humor at all. "Somehow I doubt that. It wasn't really so much a crush as stalking. Do you know how many times I drove past his house, Alice? He lived on a cul-de-sac!" I'm trying to repress the memory of trying to be stealth while turning around in his neighbor's driveway when he was outside washing his car. Not one of my finer moments.

Alice sighs. "Really, Bella, even if things were awkward back then, you're both adults now. I know that you're more mature than that now, and I'm guessing Edward knows that too. People generally don't keep up obsessions from when they're sixteen years old."

I nod in agreement with Alice.

The problem is, it's not sincere. The problem is, I went to that bar with Jacob last night specifically because I knew Edward would be there. The problem is, I'm still obsessed with Edward.

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><p>AN: Hope you enjoyed. The next chapter should be up soon-ish. Be sure to share your thoughts!


	2. Smitten

Fourteen is a tough age. Everyone is convinced they're an adult when actually they're more a danger to themselves and others than a four year old left alone with a heated stove, a box of matches, and some knives. Fourteen year olds are reckless. They tell their parents they're doing one thing then do something completely different - an potentially illegal - just to see if they can get away with it. Some fourteen year olds smoke weed for the first time. Some start having sex. Some are even pregnant before they get to high school. And all the while that they're doing all of this, they are convinced that every decision is a good one. Even if they know they're doing something "wrong", they've decided it's right for them and not a soul on earth is going to talk them out of it. Unless, it goes against popular opinion in their group of friends. Then the idea gets dropped like a bad habit.

I like to think that I wasn't like that when I was fourteen. I still listened to my parents. I was never overly reckless. I didn't get into cars with people I didn't know. I was almost always where my parents thought I was. And I thought that smoking and doing drugs was just about the stupidest thing someone could ever do. I was what some would call a "mary sue" but that was okay with me. My dad trusted me to go out with my friends and do what I said I was going to do. I knew he wasn't happy about it. He knew what kind of trouble fourteen year old could get into. He'd seen it many different times over the years. I'm pretty sure he also thought back to his time as an adolescent - and all the cons he pulled on his parents - when he was deciding if I was allowed to go somewhere, though no fourteen year old ever believes that their parents were ever cool enough to want to break the rules as much as they do.

I was well behaved because I knew it was what my dad expected of me, and I knew that his trust was not something I wanted to lose going in to high school. If anything, I wanted more freedom. I wanted to be allowed to ride in Jessica's boyfriend's car up to Port Angeles. I wanted to be allowed to go to the diner after football games and stay until closing time. I wanted to be allowed to have a boyfriend.

Charile had been adamant that I was not allowed to date until high school - and only when he decided that I was ready - as soon as I came home from school in 5th grade and announced that Mike Newton was my boyfriend. Charlie was none to happy about it, but kept silent until he heard me talking to Mike on the phone that night. When he heard me tell Mike that I loved him, I'm pretty sure I saw the vein in his forehead start to quiver. Then when I told Mike that I would kiss him the next day after school, I'm pretty sure Charlie almost had a stroke. He told me to hang up the phone, then sat me down at the kitchen table and proceeded to have a very long and uncomfortable talk about adult relationships and why eleven is way too young to start dating. In the end, though I really didn't agree with him, I promised to break up with Mike. I didn't really like him that much anyway, and if was going to come between me and my dad there was no contest. The next day at school, I told Mike I couldn't be his girlfriend anymore. He was disappointed at first, then asked me if I would still kiss him after school. I had promised Charlie that I would break up with Mike at school, but I never specified if it would be before or after I kissed him, and I was very curious. A few of the kids in my class had kissed so far and I'd heard mixed reviews. Some thought it was the greatest thing ever, and others thought it was pretty gross. The people that thought it was gross kept on doing it though, so it couldn't have been that gross. In the end, it was pretty gross kissing Mike, but there was a little part of it that felt nice. Maybe that's what everyone else was doing. Practicing so they only had the nice parts and learned not to do the things that made it seem gross. I was interested in learning that too, but since I had to break up with Mike after that, I didn't have the opportunity anymore.

Time was moving along though, and I was headed to high school in the fall. I was very excited about it. I was another step closer to being a real adult and maybe once my dad saw how old I really was, he would loosen the reigns a little bit. My goal now was just to kiss a cute boy. I'd learn since those fateful days when I was eleven, that a boy doesn't have to be your boyfriend for you to kiss him. Though it would be nice to have a boyfriend. It would be nice to have a guy to pick me up for school (because of course he would be old enough to drive with a very nice car), to have someone to carry my books between classes, and to have a date to the homecoming dance. Those were all things I was looking for in a potential boyfriend. I wasn't going to waste my time on guys that thought chivalry was dead, or wouldn't be caught at a dance. I wanted to All-American high school experience, and dang it, I was going to get it.

~*~TPI~*~

The first day of school, my stomach was all atwitter. I'd barely slept the night before, thinking about my classes the next day and the new people I was going to meet. I was really excited. I wasn't the most outgoing person, but I'd heard many people talk about high school being where they met their best friends for the rest of their lives. I wanted that to happen to me.

I put on the clothes that I'd set out the night before, and made sure it looked the same. I was trying to look cool but casual. I didn't want anyone to know that I'd been thinking about what to wear for weeks. I put a little bit of makeup. I knew Charlie would make a face but it wasn't much really. The last time I went to visit Mom, she took me to the department store and got me some mascara, eye shadow, and blush. She showed me how to apply it, and I knew that the look I was getting was subtle. It's not like I was drawing black circles around my eyes or wearing bright red lipstick. Charlie would never have stood for that.

When I finally made it to school, getting dropped off the police crusier as usual (you see why I wanted a boyfriend with a car), I found my friends almost immediately. Jessica and Angela were tucked off to the side of the entrance, trying to stay out of the way. You could tell they were freshman because they were looking at everyone that passed with wide eyes, wondering how they would ever fit in with people this _mature_. I would have found it comical if I wasn't feeling the same way.

After they tore themselves away from their gawking to greet me, Jessica launched into a in depth analysis of everyone that walked by. She had a boyfriend who was a Junior now and we looked to her to in situations like these to make sure that we weren't acting like kids. She started talking about the people in the group immediately to our left, mentioning that one of them was the star football player. It wasn't hard to see who. The guy was huge. He was surrounded by a group of people, but it was obvious they were all looking at him, there to see him. A few groups over, Jessica explained, was the girl who was dating the football player. I understood. They just looked like they belonged together. The descriptions went on for a few more groups when Jessica could pick out the people she knew. She didn't know everyone, but still, she knew quite a few. Definitely more than I knew, so I paid attention.

When the bell rang for homeroom, we moved in a pack down the hall, only separating outside the doors of our classrooms. When I reached my homeroom, I hesitated before going in. None of my friends were with me. I knew I had several classes with each, but here I was on my own. I took a deep breath and walked into the room, hoping I knew someone.

I scanned the room quickly and my eyes landed on a few people I recognized from junior high, and an few that I didn't. I knew I could sit next to Lauren if I absolutely had to, but I didn't really want to. She was the type that liked to gossip about everyone, and while Jessica like to tell people _everything_ about someone, Lauren would only tell the bad. A few times last year I thought was making things up, but I didn't want to call her on it. If she did make up rumors about people, the last thing I wanted was for her to hate me.

I pretended I didn't see her sitting in the back of the room talking to Eric and sat in the front corner of the room by the door. I wanted to be able to make a quick exit since I wasn't exactly sure where my next class was. It would take most of the five minute passing period to figure out where I was supposed to be going. As I sat pondering the location of my homeroom in relation to the English classrooms, I let myself drift off into a daydream.

I noticed someone sit down next to me and wondered if it was Lauren coming to tell me about people she'd seen smoking behind the school. She probably had a list and everyone that gave her a sideways look was getting on it. I turned my head, about to try to divert Lauren away from gossip with a mention of the upcoming football game, when I realized it was definitely not Lauren sitting next to me. I was a boy, a boy that I'd never seen before. He didn't notice me staring at him awkwardly, and for that I was grateful. I studied him for just a moment until he glanced in my direction and I averted my eyes. I was pretty sure I got away with it, but not sure enough to look back again and maybe make eye contact.

As the homeroom period went on, roll was taken, lunch tickets were distributed, rules were reinforced, and I kept studying the boy sitting next to me. There was something about him that drew my interest. He was good looking, that much was obvious, but it was something about the way that he was sitting that make him seem different that the other guys I knew. He was sitting up straight in his desk, but not in an over-eager brown-nosing sort of way. He was paying attention to the teacher, but didn't seem like he wanted to be the teacher's pet. He wore jeans and a tshirt that looked nice but didn't look like he was trying too hard. Something told me that he wasn't trying at all. Most likely, this shirt had been at the top of the pile this morning. Then I started thinking about what he looked like before he put his shirt on.

Yeah, it was pretty safe to say I was smitten with Edward Cullen from the start.

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><p>AN: Thank you for reading. Hope you're enjoying so far. As of right now, I'm not sure how this is going to switch back and forth from the past and present, but it will. Review and let me know what you thought!


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